Archive for June, 2009

To be (a dad) or not to be


2009
06.21

In his youth, my father was Billy Bigelow: a talented, self-confident rebel with a chip on his shoulder who misspent his days in bowling alleys, pool halls and marathon poker games. After marrying young and suffering the continued disapproval of his stern and distant father, and the recurring disappointment of siring nothing but daughters, he finally had the son he always wanted. Dad taught his son to play ball and respect authority. He taught him to fight with boxing gloves and swift footing. He mentored, molded and monitored, and allotted the greater part of a narrow attention span, dulled by uninspired work and martini lunches, to his prince. The prince enjoyed privileges and prestige among his flock of sisters, who became hardened and nondescript in his shadow.

I think he was a great dad to his sons; no doubt about it. To his daughters? Not so much.

That my sisters and I suffered various consequences from our tepid (if not tumultuous) relationship with our primary male figure there is no doubt. We all took refuge in the usual ways: food, drugs, emotionally crippled men. Women like us (and there are gazillions) keep shrinks in business.

However, the moral of the story is, if you want to be a good father to your daughter, love her well, take her seriously. You will spare her a lifetime of bad relationships and yourself untold sleepless nights.

Waiting for the War Crimes Trials


2009
06.12

I may as well be waiting for Godot.

Back during the campaign, I enjoyed a wonderful fantasy that when Obama was elected, I’d get to see former Bush administration officials taking the proverbial “perp walk” like celebrity (and our favorite) accused criminals, broadcast on the internets, cable and local television.

I had a lot vested in that campaign: time, money, talent; I hoped that with my affection for the candidate, my abysmal disillusionment with all things politics was going to be cured by a progressive administration that would, with a substantial majority in both House and Senate, change the direction of the nation.

But, as the song goes, “I was wrong, again. I was wrong.”

Right after the election, I was asked by the Obama campaign to sit on a committee to draft health care reform. I had a little expertise on health insurance, having made a living selling it and well versed on Medicare (which is the model for single-payer plans), and I participated with my usual enthusiasm, including submitting a testimonial based on my personal and professional experience that was included in the draft of our plan.

However, as I observed the new administration’s actions regarding protecting the former leadership from prosecution, despite reams of evidence of lawbreaking, and Obama’s justice department adhering to ”state secret” dogma, my newfound faith began to wane. As the timetable for withdrawal from Iraq began to extend indefinitely, and as the ”new” administration continued its obfuscation on the CIA’s torture regime, my previously simmering enthusiasm diluted to tepid dishwater. When Obama continued to capitulate to the fear-mongering mob of tea-bag-mailing morons, I decided that I would no longer donate my valuable time (or diminishing treasure, thanks to the economy) to the cause.

 A fellow community organizer called to ask me why I had recently dropped out of the committee and I told her I was no longer participating in any Obama administration (free slave labor) committees until he gave the green light to prosecute war criminals. That was met with shocked silence.

I sent several well-researched (and passionate) emails to Obama’s White House staff who were only too eager during the campaign and shortly afterward to email me requests for donations or to help pay off Clinton’s debt (as if), or to help the DNC. I responded by demanding investigations into war crimes and to bring the troops home as they promised.

Then, recently, I received an email from the Democratic group soliciting contributions to Al Franken’s legal fund in order to encourage Norm Coleman to give it up if he realizes Al has more money to fight the endless court battles. I promptly responded: Tell Al’s lawyer to do it pro bono! Nobody wrote me back. I don’t get any more phone calls, but I wish I did.

Welcome Back (Again)!


2009
06.05

Welcome back to yet another Retzilian production. Within a few weeks of deleting my previous blog, I missed having it; even though I was hardly ever using it and couldn’t justify the expense or the vanity of hanging on to the domain. Some strange person bought the domain and is using it for a slew of spam posts that make no sense. I guess I should be grateful that it wasn’t a former adversary that snatched it up and began using it for yet another “hate” site.

Since we last met formally, I have acquired a few new obsessions: watching episodes of “The Biggest Loser” (the Australian version is the best), watching previous series of “Hell’s Kitchen” (Gordon Ramsey is an acquired taste, but you know I’d be drawn to him like a magnet since he’s such a raging narcissist), and episodes of Gordon Ramsey’s “Kitchen Nightmares”. Before mid-April, I had never seen a reality TV show! I tried to watch “Big Brother” and “Survivor” but lost interest in them within a few minutes. I think I enjoy the “Loser” shows because the people make such amazing transformations; but after watching “Kitchen Nightmares”, I’m afraid to eat out at a restaurant anymore.

This summer, I expect to have to fly to New York at least twice, at the end of June for a second staged reading and for the opening of the play on July 30. Everything is happening so fast, now. The director and I had to form a production company in order to be eligible to negotiate Equity contracts, insurance and theater rental. We are still auditioning for the lead (and only) role, but we think it will be finalized within the next week so we can send out the press releases and sell tickets. It still doesn’t seem quite real to me, yet, but I’m getting more excited every day.

And now, for all the former ‘fits to fill me in on what you are doing: what are you spending your time on? Are you having fun? Are you following crime stories? Are you getting fat? Are you on Facebook, yet, taking stupid quizzes like me? Are you finding long-lost friends and relatives? Share the drama, large and small!