My reaction to Mel Gibson’s abusive tirade (that his opportunistic, manipulative girlfriend recorded in an intentionally passive-aggressive form of blackmail) was a visceral shock of ugly memories and cast a new light on Oksana Grigorieva as somewhat less sympathetic than her press would have us believe. No, I’m not blaming the victim, here. I’m merely pointing out what few mainstream sources are willing to admit: Oksana Grigorieva knew exactly what she was doing the entire time she was involved with Gibson and expected, if not designed, this outcome.
When I listened to the tape, I was struck by the familiarity of Gibson’s invective: his rage and machine-gun insults were so similar to those I heard from partners of my tragic romantic past. I was ashamed for him and myself – him for being such a jerk and me for ever putting up with someone like that. What was it about me that accepted such unwarranted abuse? Thousands of dollars and dozens of hours on the therapy couch helped sort out some of my questions, but what was a girl like Oksana Grigorieva doing with a jerk like Gibson? That Gibson was a bigot, a mysogynist, and a mean and violent drunk was no secret long before Grigorieva seduced him. Perhaps it was all a very careful plot hatched by a very patient opportunist. Grigorieva probably got more than she bargained for (and the consequences have yet to play out, since she does have a child with this man), but she ultimately achieved her aim: to destroy Gibson’s reputation and career in eight minutes of paint-peeling malignant narcissim.
Gibson will never change, and he won’t really suffer the way you and I would suffer after this sort of mortifying revelation. He’s still a billionaire, he’ll always find some willing woman to step into the inverted narcissist role; and this, like all Hollywood scandals, will fade from front-page interest soon enough. Gibson’s fall from grace has supplied some delicious shadenfreude to his detractors (see Frank Rich’s recent column), and hasn’t done the conservative religious “traditionalists” any good. Nonetheless, the larger point will be lost on the masses: what does his behavior demonstrate about our culture, and how is it still even remotely acceptable for a woman to tolerate physical, mental and emotional abuse for months or years and emerge characterized as a patient, sensible saint? Grigorieva was a willing participant, and I’m certain that if Gibson had videotaped some of her tantrums and unscripted dialog, we’d see a different side to the story. Frankly, they deserve each other.
